Top 12 appropriate Transformers theme songs

Pic TFormers

OPTIMUS PRIME
What: Johnny Cash - ‘God’s Gonna Cut You Down’
Why: Because Optimus Prime, like a god, is compassionate, but can smite punks with the righteousness of a 12,000 lbs. per sq. inch fist.*

^{*Bob Budiansky, Ian Akin and Brian Garvey. Transformers Universe (New York: Marvel Comics, 1987), p.60.}

STARSCREAM
What: David Bowie - ‘The Man Who Sold The World’
Why: 'Cause he would.

JAZZ
What: Electric Six - ‘Danger! High Voltage’
Why: Like Dick Valentine, we can somehow imagine Jazz going "Prime! Ma crotch! It's glowin'!" in the middle of a battle.

SUNSTREAKER/TRACKS
What: Nelly - ‘Ride Wit Me’
Why: They’re vain bastards, the pair of ‘em. They probably ride down freeways trying to score. And probably succeed.

BUMBLEBEE
What: Antony & The Johnsons - ‘Cripple And The Starfish’
Why: The Autobot bitch. Cruel, but has to be said. They keep making him sit out on fights and telling him that he’s needed elsewhere. With elsewhere being whichever shitstorm Spike wants to be in the centre of.

SOUNDWAVE
What: Goldfrapp - ‘Strict Machine’
Why: In our youth, we imagined Soundwave to be German (which Goldfrapp aren’t) and into kinky sex (which Goldfrapp probably are). 

IRONHIDE
What: Foghat - ‘Slow Ride’
Why: Well, they went out of their way to make Ironhide a redneck.

WRECK-GAR
What: Man Man - ‘Engwish Bwudd’
Why: The Junkions speak gibberish. Man Man do most of the time: "Where wild hyenas taught him how to hunt old elephants/So he spent his formative years eating out badunkadunk."

DEVASTATOR
What: Ladytron - ‘Fighting In Built Up Areas’
Why: The song is in Bulgarian, and Devastator is like the token Balkan bruiser in B-grade movies. And he does actually fight in built up areas.

ULTRA MAGNUS
What: Whiskeytown - ‘Excuse Me While I Break My Own Heart Tonight’
Why: When Ultra Magnus has downtime, we’re almost entirely sure he heads down to the country ‘n’ western bar by himself, and wallows in self-loathing over beer and nuts.

PERCEPTOR
What: Spoon - ‘I Turn My Camera On’
Why: Perceptor is a microscope, not a camera. But with his dandy quasi-English accent, Perceptor is so irresistably sexy he could very well turn electronic equipment on, like Gaius Baltar does with Cylons.

MEGATRON
What: Metallica - ‘Master Of Puppets’
Why: Because he is Megatron. And because he’s got a greater hold over his minions that heroin/cocaine could have (Decepticons can't do drugs). Starscream calls him Master.